These Phrases given by A Dad Which Rescued Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good place. You require support. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a wider failure to talk between men, who often absorb damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - taking a couple of days away, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - looking after you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."